The Do's and Don'ts we Do and Don't Want

I was just looking back at some things I wrote back in Nov 2006 on Facebook... and how i commented in one note that I didn't want to go to Africa, and wondered whether or no that was ok. And of course, I went and had an amazing time, even though I didn't really want to be there almost the whole way through.

And now I'm wanting to go to Africa... and it's okay. One of the reasons I didn't want to go was because I was afraid of going back. But I'm not afraid anymore. I'm not afraid of "backness" anymore, not so much, anyways. Because I don't think it means what i used to think it might--fear it might. Going "back" a) doesn't have to mean forever, b) doesn't have to be the final death, and c) doesn't always even have to mean anything at all! It can just...be.

Anyways. I also noticed something in a survey thing, where in response to the question I wrote about the two things I wanted most in the world... "mobility within stability and permanence without stagnation." I suppose I should be the happiest person in the world if getting what we want most is supposed to make us most happy... Because I'm pretty stable now, but I have mobility--generally--as I want it. And because I feel a sense--can find a sense--of permanence in my life that I have not seen in years... but I don't feel trapped, or grounded, or stuck at all. I feel like a tree that is just realising that it has roots and what they mean...but understanding that it can still grow wider and higher and make a difference right by being where it is. It's cool, to use a very inexpressive but all-expressive expression.