General Colin Powell

I went to a conference the other day at which General Colin Powell was a keynote speaker, and I have to say, it was really exciting to hear him and see him in person. (no, I did not meet him, sadly). Honestly, I had never paid that much attention to him; I knew from magazines that he was an active leader and I was definitely aware that like most people in positions of power, was surrounded by plenty of controversy over his actions and inactions. I recall a time vaguely disliking him, but cannot remember the reason behind that leaning (perhaps just agreeing with the opinion of my friends. who can say...?)

Whatever my thoughts or lack of thoughts have been, and stating outright that I know very little about what he has actually done and not done, or whether I would like or dislike them... I really enjoyed hearing him. When he walked onto the stage, it was with such a command that you were instantly ready to listen to this person, and when he spoke, you still wanted to listen!

I think what I really apreciated was that he gave something of an answer to a question I have been pondering in my personal thoughts. If I ever want to "become someone important/powerful," what happens when that time is over? So many people talk about something being their purpose in life... and if your purpose in life is to do x job, what about when that job is finished? Should you just finish yourself off, since your life mission or purpose is completed?

There are many things I could say here on what I think about life mission and/or purpose, but that is neither here nor there. Whatever one's reason for being at the top is... the fact is, it will come to an end like all other things. Moreover, if that end comes before your death rather than as a result of it, what does that mean for you?

Gen. Powell talked about how yes, he has been a world leader and the fact is, now he is "just another ordinary person." [ordinary meant as being like others not in politically powerful positions.] And he spoke about the transition that requires, and the questioning you experience, and the fact that whether you are at the top or the bottom... you are still yourself, and your life [as being, you] is not over.

It was encouraging to hear someone like him speak of the position he was in not as the end-all-be-all/end-of-your-life-journey, but as a step along the way in continuing to be you. Furthermore, he spoke of such positions as not being ones that you seek--to paraphrase him, "A real leader does not even need to look for followers; a real leader is someone people will follow if for nothing other than curiousity." He also talked a lot about how leadership is not just about positioning yourself, if it is about that at all. Leadership is, instead, about taking care of your followers and making sure that they are in the best possible place and will continue to be so.

I don't know about his politics... but what I heard of him, and how he appeared IRL to me at the conference makes me say his lifestyle/character is one that perhaps I would not mind people following more.

License to drive...

I just got back at 12:30am this morning from a roadtrip... the last leg of which involved driving up from Cape Henlopen State Park in Delaware to my home in NY--completed through torrential rain in seven hours time. Not bad.

But as I was driving up past Scranton (shout-out to The Office) and working to keep awake, I started thinking about everything my car and I have gone through together. I have now had my license for a year and a few days. That's it. I have technically owned my car for about 15 months, but I did not actually go get and drive it until a month after getting my license... So let's see... I haven't yet had my dear Goochie (name-of-my-car) for a whole year yet, really. And what have we done together?

9 States, plus Washington D.C. as well: New York, Pennyslvania, Ohio, Kentucky, Tennessee, Virginia, Maryland, Delaware, NJ
I actually did 8 states and D.C. in just this last road-trip... (everything but NJ this last time around). By this weekend I'll have several more states to add to that list of my car and I.

I've also been through a set of brakes, a coil, several vaccuum thingers, a hose, and a transmission. And of course, lots and lots of gas and oil. My trunk got bent in by some annonymous person or thing, and I managed to scrape my side door all by myself this last trip around (on a pillar).

I've driven in torrential rain, a terrible blizzard, lots of snow, on ice, in 100 degree weather with a lousy air-co, up mountians, down mountains, and through flat flat flat land and marshes (sticking to the roads. and don't follow the lights, Frodo...) Hmm, what else? Backroads and detours, too.

I've used Google maps ten-billion times, gotten lost only a few (usually visiting the same friend!!), and did the last road-trip entirely by the old-fashioned Atlas except Maryland--Delaware.

I've now driven in Buffalo, Rochester, Philadephia, Cleveland, Columbus, Knoxville, D.C. (mostly belt-way, thank goodness), etc and feeling much more secure than my first venture into a city (at night, with minimum other cars around) where I was so scared my passengers had to keep telling me to breathe because I was holding my breath and going to pass out!!!

So I think my license, my car, and I have come a very long ways, not just in mileage. My first time driving at night was not even a year ago, and it was an 8 hour trip--from 8pm--4am with two other friends. Last week I drove from 8:30pm--9:30am, and now I'm afraid I don't give much thought to whether i drive by night or by day. Haha.

Anyways. Now that you know my car history, look out! I know this was a perfectly random post, but what can I say? It's what I was thinking about. :)

Decisions & Dreams

My car died yesterday, or at least, it died for all practical purposes. It has been giving me trouble for about a week, growing worse until I took it to the car doctor. Driving there I was praying the whole way not to have it die on the side of the road, and that it would be a simple, inexpensive fix.

Well, it wasn't. They took my keys, rode Goochie (my car) around, hooked her up to something, and told me my transmission was in its final moments of life--this information coming the day before I begin something of a 15 day roadtrip. wow.

I don't have money to fix my transmission. Do you know they are ridiculously expensive? (or at least, they are for those of us with small paychecks, student debt, and too many bills...) Furthermore, I don't have a credit card, because I don't want to live on credit. I have enough invisible binds on me as is; why would I want a card that would tempt me to *unwittingly* bind myself more? Now I know why I should at least have one, though. For emergencies.

So I could try buying a car. Because my roadtrip really isn't cancellable--my sister is getting married and I need to be there. That only involves applying for credit, taking out another loan, and paying all my extra money into that loan over the next four years of my life.

Frankly, the car (actually, Ford Escape) offered me was a really good deal. And maybe I am childish not to take it. But I do not want to bind myself for four years, not to mention binding myself in such a way that I would hardly be able to appreciate the fact that I had a new car. What's the point, if you can't afford to go anywhere?

And the fact is... the money spent on a new car (when I was *planning* to sell mine in a year, anyways) would be taken from my savings for a boat (which I was *planning* to buy asap). And I know that the boat is just a dream and the car is my reality, but I want that dream to come true, and I am the only way it can happen. If I don't believe in it, who will? People struggle enough with their own dreams; they don't go around making any little nobody's dream come true, especially when the nobody's aren't somebody for being such a nobody.

So someone else lent me their credit card, and I will re-pay them over the next few months, and then I will be free to continue following my dream unfettered by payments for a car i didn't want. Maybe refiguring a transmission in an old car isn't smart. I don't know. But if its the clearest way to a dream i have right now, however nonsensical the dream is, at least I still have my dream, and at least i know the value of it to me now; its worth more than a car and more than my own transportation in the meanwhile. Because I realised that I would rather be car-less for a year than give up the possibility of tomorrow.

As it is, I will only be one day behind in my roadtrip and one transmission behind in my savings. Maybe that's not too bad.